Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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