I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
