This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
