Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
