My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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