So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
