If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You made out with two different species that night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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