Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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