Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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