I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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