Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
