i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
jump out the window naked night went bad
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
