the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
