I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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