Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
