She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
