Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
