no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We are all done wearing pants today
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
