I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
