yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
