my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Your cock deserves a montage
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
