Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
