sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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