He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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