no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
