So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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