I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
