if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
