i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
