I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
