You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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