how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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