Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
