I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
