I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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