Having a random hookup so left but love u
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
