whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
