he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
