He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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