he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
