"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
