her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
