My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
