i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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