I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
