some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
