Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
