she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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