She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
