My Higher Power is John Stamos
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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