I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
