yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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