I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
