there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
