Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
