He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
