I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
