Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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