you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
