Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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