Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
