she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
