We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
splinters make it hard to masturbate
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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