Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
