His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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