I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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