She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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