He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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