i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
