to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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