Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize