You're earring is so big in my mouth
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
