she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i think i just lost a toe
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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