id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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