i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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