I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
