The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
