This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
