We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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