just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he thought i was a dude.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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