in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
