just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
