Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize