im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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