i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
