Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
