You're a womanizer and a bitch.
kristin has been a bad kristin
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
