Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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