1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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